Will you blow on my dice?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
