dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
