Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
