You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
