fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
should my penis look like a turkey
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize