Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize