So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize