Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
