i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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