Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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