somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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