Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
