Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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