Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize