I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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