I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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