I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
