I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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