just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
