the condom got lost in my hair
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
