I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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