We won't sleep together?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
