Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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