Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize