You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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