I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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