i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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