im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
