She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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