youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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