Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i will never coherently bang her
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
