We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
