Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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