Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
