I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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