if you like me you must not know who I am
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize