I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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