I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
