Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
