escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
