Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
