You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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