you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will pee on everything he values.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
