What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
