He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry about my life...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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