and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize