No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
