Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize