Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
