marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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