Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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