So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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