yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There r osticjed everywhere
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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