I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
