I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
