dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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