GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
