I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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