I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
