"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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