She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
