what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
