Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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