happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize