Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
