Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
