it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
