he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
