saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
