Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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