She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
