You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
