They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
