you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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