her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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