She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
