dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
