Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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