i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need water and some morals
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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