I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
