yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
