a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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