it wasn't lemon gatorade
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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