Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
