While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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