Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
