chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
