i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
